Recently, I've been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). First, it's not a shock to people to who actually know me. Secondly, I'm so relieved to put a name to something I've struggled with all my life. It's like that "Aha moment!" we all have when we put two and two together. Don't know what ADHD is? Well,from a personal perspective, it's a condition that makes me really impulsive (I just HAVE to do something when I want to do it), I can't really pay attention or focus (Meeting new people is hard since I can't even pay attention long enough to remember your name), and it affects me socially (No New Friends!). From a scientific standpoint, it has to do with your brain and how it functions and responds. It's usually found in children at a very young age. However, I was diagnosed as an adult. I've unknowingly had this since I was kid. I've gotten kicked out of daycares because of it (Natural BadAss).Since I was kid, I was always on the go. Every time I would get into trouble as a kid, my mom would never fail to say "Ashely, you just do what you want to do without listening to anyone!". Children who are affected by this are usually labeled as a "problem child". True, it is a behavioral disorder but I hate that kids are labeled bad because of it. It's not their fault. It's actually it's our parents fault. ADHD stems from the DNA that your parents have passed on to you at birth. Either one or both parents can carry this trait. However, this post is about me and how awesome I am because of it so moving on!
Living with ADHD is pretty awesome! It took me through various stages in my life. For example, as a preteen, it was harder for me to adjust socially. I took on many personalities and ways to fit in and that was hard. Furthermore, as an adult, it affected my romantic relationships. I didn't' know what I wanted and needed out of a relationship. I jumped in too fast or not at all. I also let it affect career opportunities. I would space out in interviews and never get a call back. I just chalked it up to nervousness and inadequacy to actually to do the job.It was tough and I wasn't satisfied with myself or the direction of my life. Then something turned on in my hyperactive brain! *insert light bulb above my head*
I decided to explore my life without any influence! I had to find out who I was. I also had to learn to accept myself and if I wasn't satisfied to make it better. I had to stop worrying about every little, freaking detail. I had to focus on setting goals and accomplish them. What pushed me to do all of this? What made me stay on the path to greatness? The end result. That simple. I envision myself doing this and having that. Mind you, all of this is before I found about the ADHD. I don't wanna say that I was forced to look in the mirror and say "Who are you, B*tch?" but I was. I found out that I was unique. I wasn't wired like all of these other b*tches out here. I open myself to many possibilities and I don't limit myself. For example, I'm from the Hood *plays Future Trap N*ggas* but I love rock bands like Motley Crue and Queen. Once I did this, my anxiety level went down drastically. I had to learn to deal with who I was born to be and use it to my advantage. I mean you have to realize that accepting yourself is the best thing ever!!
Now that I'm the impulsive kid all grown up, I work with what the 'Higher Power' blessed me with. I do so many activities now that I wasn't doing two years ago. For instance, I paint. I'm always down to go on a trail or a river. I blog (hehe) and I set goals to do things by myself (I go to Top Flite by myself to Turn Up lol).
Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I am f*cking AWESOME and no one can tell me different. The people who deal with me are the ones who can appreciate this. I have no room for anybody else who doesn't. I'm constantly learning new things about myself and it's pretty amazing. Life is great and one big, impulsive adventure in my mind!
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| Always on the go. Never look back! |
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